I’ve never been good at sharing. My Mom has fond memories of me begging to have friends over to play, and then me covertly hiding the “best” Barbies under the couch. Leaving only the discards - dolls I’d given dull-scissored haircuts to - out to be played with.

When I was diagnosed with celiac disease though, I kind of wanted to share this unique form of hell with somebody. Anybody. Tell me it’s going to be okay. Tell me it’s going to be delicious again someday. Tell me something.

I waited a very long time to have pop culture gluten-free idols. And I got Elisabeth Hasselbeck and Miley Cyrus. Shit vs. diarrhea as my pop culture idol Lainey would say.

Look at Hasselbeck’s book cover. Look at that face. I’d like to slam a loaf of bread in it. It’s not just the face though. She is universally mocked for expressing ridiculous opinions on a show manned by ridiculous women. It’s bad, you guys.

Miley, snaggletooth deluxe, recently advocated a gluten free diet for weight loss. Erm, I avoid gluten and still have an ass you could hang a wreath off of. Because unfortunately butter, melted cheese and Doritos are gluten free.

I guess if you haven’t been diagnosed with celiac disease and you’re still in that super fun stage where food slides through you like an oil slick, you might be pulling off that super-glam emaciated look. With that “thinking,” though, we might as well promote late stage cancer to help get rid of those pesky last 5 pounds.

Bottom line - I’d really like someone not completely retarded to be the face and voice of something I do strongly identify and align myself with. If we celiacs never get to take a greasy chomp out of a KFC Double Down, can we at least have Ryan Gosling as our spokesperson?